Top 10 Rant tips

Never move to Utah if you dislike kids and want nothing to do with the child worship and parenting culture.

Seriously, everyone here is so obsessed with babies, it's ridiculous. Everywhere you go there's some toddler about to run into you, a brood of 4-6 little kids running around screaming, and Mombies defending their obnoxious behavior. It's like kids can do no wrong in Utah. If you're a childfree woman, especially under the age of 40, prepare to struggle making friends, as you won't be able to relate to your peers' day-to-day life.

Don't let a drunk lady knit your project.

Was at the pub this past weekend, and met a friends sister who missed knitting. She asked if she could knit my rest row on a simple lace chevron. Two days later I'm still picking out the mess.

Dont renovate your house. Just move. It's easier.

And certainly don't renovate your home with two small kids running around. Everything is messy, dusty, dirty. I feel like I'm camping in the middle of my own home. The shit we do ourselves looks like we've done it ourselves (fuck you HGTV and DIY), and every piece of food and drink I have is covered with dirt and dust. Now, I've been stuck in a room with my kids for the whole fucking day. ONE room. Please make it be over soon.

Don't tell an exhausted mother, "I don't believe she's fussy. She's so smiley now. What a happy baby".

NO FUCKING SHIT. I didn't bring her over last night when she was screaming bloody murder. Because no one likes that. But don't you fucking dare call me a liar. I know you mean well, and you're old, but Good Lord, shut your mouth about how you "don't believe she ever cries." Read the room, lady. If husband and I and my MIL all tell you that we're exhausted and bleary eyed because she was inconsolable from 6pm-6am...we're telling the fucking truth.Also, a big fuck you to goddamn soy lethicin for being in everything (including, apparently, frozen custard which should consist of milk, eggs and sugar..not freaking soy) and making my child miserable. Apparently I'm eating only food I prepare for the rest of this visit.

Always keep track of your health when matching poisons

Dont fucking invite your friends on a date between you and someone else.

This has happened to me twice now. Seriously, what the fuck? When someone asks you on a date, it means they want to spend time with YOU! You'll get a chance to share your friends later! But really.. on a 2nd date?! And without telling me? AND THE FRIEND BEING A GUY?! sighs in Canadian High school relationships are fucking stupid. Y'all, dating isn't that complicated.

Just lying isn't a prank.

My friend said we had a test in English today, which we didn't, then said April fools. So I punched him, and responded April Fools.

Daily reminder to check your battery before comboing.

I just died to DRALL in A3 because skyfall did not save me from the inevitable 4 combo :(